I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
