we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
