Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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