I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
