I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
