Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
