we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
