he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
