I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
