Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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