well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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