I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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