I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
handjob tips. give me some.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
