what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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