There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize