I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
