I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
