Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Randomize
