you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
