i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
