i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
