we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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