I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
