i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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