It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
