my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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