I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
