sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this beer tastes like vomit already
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
