Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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