so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
