so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
