Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
