I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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