Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
