After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
