Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
