You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
