omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
