last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
