Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
