So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
