C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
