considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
