He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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