My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
