I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
