Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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