so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
