you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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