.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
