actually, I'm a sock model
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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