Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
