Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
