genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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