Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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