Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
