I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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