YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
