our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
