Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
