OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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