I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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