tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
