I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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