My sheets look like a crime scene.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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