yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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