I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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