While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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