I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
