You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
