i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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