I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
