We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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