your parents love me but you hate me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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