so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize