im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
