woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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