shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
