after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
