Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
