If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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