Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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