Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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