This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
